Special Momma

Video of Jack Pre-Surgery, October 2011

2011-12-21T11:41:00.000-05:00

Jack is a former 25 week preemie diagnosed with CP. He is 8.5 years old and is scheduled to have orthopedic surgery on 11/11/11. He is having an Adductor Release, Bi-Medial Hamstring Release, Post Tib. Transfer and Achilles Lengthening.

This video shows Jack in various settings to capture a pre-surgery look at how he is moving.

Severe Cashew Allergy

2011-12-20T12:23:00.001-05:00

About three weeks ago, we were cleaning up dinner and I remembered I had some caramel popcorn with cashews - I grabbed the bag and gave Jack a few pieces. It's one of our favorites! Curious, morgan asked if she could have a "honey nut" and I told her of course! Didn't give it a second thought. After one small piece of cashew she exclaimed her tongue hurt. I figured she bit it or had a small ulcer that was bothering her. She went to sit down and I went to do dishes. She wasn't moving or talking and it looked like she didn't feel well. She whispered something to Jason and he called me over. Still, not suspecting the cashew, I went over and saw her scratching around her mouth. It was red and bleeding (from her scratching so hard). She then told me her tummy hurt and began projectile vomiting. Jason and I (sort of at the same time) concluded that she may be having an allergic reaction. She was breathing ok and seemed to be over the worst of it. We called the pediatrician on call and she advised us to give her Benadryl and to make an appointment in the morning. We were told to avoid all nuts until further notice.

We gave her the medicine and about 45 minutes later she threw up again. We stayed up late into the night watching her to make sure she was ok.

That was 3 weeks ago. In that time we saw her pediatrician who referred us to a pediatric allergist. That particular allergist had a 7 month wait list! So we were just starting to look elsewhere when I got a call from the pediatric allergist saying they want her in for Monday 12/19. I was grateful - thought they must have had a cancellation.

We went to the appointment this past Monday. They were fantastic. We learned that they got us a 'golden ticket' in to the Dr. because she felt we needed an epi pen ASAP. She felt Morgan's reaction could have very easily been life threatening. We weren't aware of just how serious it could have been. For anyone that knows us - we've seen our share. This one came out of nowhere and we are so grateful nothing worse happened that night.

They did some testing on Morgan and she was diagnosed as anaphylactic to Cashews. We were given an RX for the epipen jr. And we're told to avoid all tree nuts. Since she hasn't reacted to peanuts and they aren't related to tree nuts we were given the okay to let her eat peanuts/peanut butter. The risk is always cross contamination. So we are completely nut-free until further notice.

If we do reintroduce peanuts - it will be only in our home and only products she has had before.

If you are with Morgan she will tell you nuts make her sick and won't eat anything containing nuts. We haven't scared her with the details but she knows she doesn't want to get sick. So please do follow our lead and please if you feed my kid, read every word of every label! NO NUTS FOR MORGAN!

Major Orthopedic Surgery

2011-11-02T11:27:00.000-05:00

Fun ideas/practical tips needed! Jack will be having major orthopedic surgery on both legs on Nov. 11th. He will be in casts from his toes to his groin and will need to be in a semi flat position for 6 weeks. His legs will be straight out in front of him. Typically he is very mobile (crawling, hopping, using his walker, climbing, etc.) so staying still is not something he does...ever! He will be non weight bearing so using a stander is a no go. While im very nervous about it all, I truly believe in this surgery and the results it will produce..I'm trying to think of fun things that can keep him occupied and also personal hygiene tips and tricks would be great too!! He is not potty trained, he uses diapers.He is having several procudeures done on his hamstrings, adductors, and achilies tendons, He is having releases, transfers, and lengthening (I don't know which goes with what unless I have the paper in front of me!) - it's a rough road with a lot of pain from what we were told. he will have a rental chair with the legs out and a recline/semi upright position as well, so he will be able to sit up to eat, watch tv, etc.

Talking With Jack 8.5 Years Old

2011-10-22T14:25:00.003-05:00

Jack talks, sings and counts :)

What we did this summer :)

2011-09-27T09:06:00.001-05:00

May 2011

June 2011

August 2011

September 2011

Pants on Fire

2011-08-22T14:50:00.000-05:00

Jack wanted to watch TV. He said "Watch pants on fire?" and I repeated "Pants on fire??" What has this kid been watching?? Lol!! and he said it again. Then, patiently, he said "Watch Yo Gabba Gabba....pants.". I was still stumped. Glad that he narrowed it down I asked him again. "Which Gabba, Jack?" to which he replied "Pants.....LEAVES....trees" and it hit me! "Yo Gabba Gabba, Plants and Flowers!!!!!". Or The Green Episode!!! We don't have it, but I set it to record later this week!

This is a milestone filled conversation for us. He told me what he wanted - a show, a specific episode...and when I didn't get it, he chose different words so that he could be understood. All without grunts, screams or shutting down.

He has come so very far with his communication over the past year! I LOVE it!

Special Parent Support Group

2011-08-12T06:37:00.001-05:00

Special Parent on Facebook

We would love for you to join us!!!

Peace :)

2011-05-10T07:12:00.000-05:00

A rare lazy moment - all 3 at once!! This was Mother's Day morning :)

The Boys :)

2011-05-02T09:56:00.000-05:00

One Year Ago...

2011-04-27T18:21:00.001-05:00

One year ago today...half a world away we were officially granted the honor of becoming parents to a little baby boy named Tamene. We passed court April 27, 2010!!! We were absolutely elated and could not wait to meet him!!

Choo Choo!

2011-04-18T10:36:00.000-05:00

A train of kiddies :)

Clean Room :)

2011-04-18T10:35:00.000-05:00

Morgan was such a great help cleaning her room! She is growing up so quickly!

Send your story and pictures to MOWA

2011-03-10T11:29:00.001-05:00

This was part of an email from the Joint Council.

Have you adopted from Ethiopia? Please send us up to 3 photos and 50 words or less with what you would like the Ministry to know about your child – we'll compile the information and send a book to the Ministry of Woman's, Children's and Youth Affairs. Send your photos and stories by Sunday, March 12, 2011 to be included. Please note that sending photos and stories gives Joint Council unrestricted right to use the information you provide. Please email your photos/stories to emergency4ethiopia@gmail.com. Thanks for your amazing support!

Welcome Home Tyler -- Our Adoption Video

2011-02-24T10:13:00.002-05:00

2011-02-16T18:16:00.001-05:00

Tonight, Morgan informed me she needs a husband! She said it's going to be Christian, a boy from school. She said "I need a ring, and he needs a ring. And I want a unicorn cake with a horn on top." and then, she paused and said "I think he's a good husband because he has a wheelchair like Jack."

I wish everyone saw the world through Morgan's eyes!

Morgan's Sign

2011-02-10T12:12:00.000-05:00

Morgan was busy asking me for paper, tape, and crayons...then she called me over to show me her "No Tylers" sign!!!

And the back!

2010-12-31T18:16:00.002-05:00

After...

2010-12-31T18:16:00.001-05:00

Before...

2010-12-31T18:15:00.000-05:00

Standing!

2010-12-18T16:03:00.000-05:00

Tyler is growing up right before our eyes...He is 13 months old and just started standing for several minutes on his own. He's shy about it today because he toppled over a few times yesterday!

All went well!!

2010-12-15T10:37:00.000-05:00

Botox went great! Jack did well and we were sent home!! :)

Waiting for botox...

2010-12-15T09:11:00.001-05:00

He was not thrilled with the "jammies" but loved the plastic bag they put his clothing into! He's back in the OR now...Can't wait to see him soon!

Special Education Comedy...

2010-12-08T11:16:00.003-05:00

This made me laugh until I had tears in my eyes. It's funny, sad, but true. Very fortunately this has NOT EVER been our experience...sadly I have a good friend going through due process right now and this is not too far off from what she has been told by her school district.

Two sick kiddies at the doc :(

2010-11-04T14:03:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Tyler Tamene!

2010-10-29T11:11:00.006-05:00

Tyler meets Jack and Morgan for the first time!

Tyler meets Grandma Josie and Pauly for the first time!

Tyler meets Pa Pa for the first time!

Jan meets Tyler for the first time!

Grandma Linda and Tyler meet for the first time!

Today, our little guy is one year old!! Happy birthday my sweet baby boy!

It's a day filled with mixed emotions and thoughts of Ethiopia. We have decided it is in the best interest of our family to not discuss Tyler's birth history publicly. It is HIS story to learn first and then for him to share if he wishes. We will begin to introduce his life story to him more and more as he gets older. We get a lot of questions about why he was relinquished and our basic and honest answer is his family loves him more than anything but was not in a position to care for his basic needs. Please keep your thoughts to Ethiopia today as we celebrate his day of birth.

I realize it has been a really long time since I blogged more than a simple picture. I hope to share more often!! Tyler is doing wonderfully! He is truly attaching and bonding very well. He has learned to snuggle and cuddle in to us...which is an amazing feeling! He babbles and screeches all the time! He says: Hi, Da Da, Uh-Oh, Up, Awwww, and mmmm for kisses. He loves to eat -- and is loving his stage 2 meals like apples and chicken, cereal and fruit, and veggies! He is learning to take small bits of table food but it will be a little more time for him to master. He likes puffed rice cereal and plain cheerios so we're moving in the right direction! I may try dry toast bits next...he loves to play...LOVES to play! He crawls around after Jack and Morgan with lightening speed! He's a belly crawler and it couldn't be cuter! He is learning to pull up to stand and walks, rather runs when you hold two hands. He can cruise the couch and is quite the dare-devil! He will just turn around and try to walk -- even though he flops to the ground!!

Happy birthday to Tyler, we love you!!!!!!

The Unicorn Chef!

2010-10-27T14:02:00.001-05:00

Morgan asked me several weeks ago for a Pink Unicorn costume...Imagine my sheer joy when I actually found it at the store!! So she HAD to try it on...a few hours later she announced she would be a unicorn chef this Halloween!

Happy Fall!

2010-10-24T10:08:00.000-05:00

Morgan and I decorated! Those are Nana's mystery pumpkins that magically appeared in our garden 5 years later!!

Big Boy!!

2010-10-23T15:59:00.001-05:00

Neurosugery Check Up!

2010-10-13T14:32:00.000-05:00

All is well! Here is Jack a little fed up with the wait and me telling him to smile for the camera ;)

Prayers for Ellie Grace's Family

2010-09-22T10:23:00.002-05:00

Tyler's little Ethiopian friend Ellie lost her daddy yesterday. Dear Tracy and family we are thinking of you....

http://www.silerhappenings.blogspot.com/

Uncle Ryan Gets Married!

2010-09-01T10:08:00.002-05:00

We celebrated my baby brother's big day this past weekend! Here is a link to photos from that day.

Ryan and Shannon

Happy Day!

2010-08-24T11:55:00.001-05:00

Rainbow!

2010-08-16T16:10:00.000-05:00

Waiting for the storm to pass!

2010-08-16T15:46:00.000-05:00

The kids and I are in the basement due to a tornado warning. Amazingly the lights are still on but the TV is out so I am depending on Jason for radar and storm updates. I hope it's over soon! It sounds like it's calming down a bit outside!

9 months old!

2010-08-07T09:05:00.000-05:00

Here is our sweet, happy, and GROWING little man! He had been home just over two months!

He is doing well. He is still fighting with the infection on his arm from a BCG vaccine he received while in Ethiopia. We meet with a specialist next week to determine whether he will need surgery on his arm. He is nit bothered by the infection and has been healthy! Please keep Tyler in your thoughts. I will keep you posted.

7 year check up!

2010-08-02T16:02:00.000-05:00

We've got 50 lbs and 52 inches of a boy here!! Jack's well child check up went great! He is soooo tall! He's in the 80-something % for height, and 26th for weight. This is a boy diagnosed as failure to thrive just a few years ago...way to grow Jack!

Future rock band!

2010-07-28T10:13:00.002-05:00

Future master chef?

2010-07-28T10:13:00.000-05:00

My shopping bud!

2010-07-28T10:12:00.000-05:00

We have made some progress in the out in public area with Jack in the past year! His tantrums and screaming were out of control this time last year! He still has problems but I think it's safe to say we've taken some baby steps on the right direction!!

Long "lost" videos of baby Jack!

2010-07-26T12:09:00.004-05:00

My mom, aka, Grandma Josie always had her video camera each time she visited our house! We did not own a video camera back in 2003. We were able to take small, grainy, soundless videos with our digital camera. Those small videos are the only videos we have of the NICU or when Jack was a baby. I never allowed anyone to bring video recorders in to the NICU. At the time I couldn't handle the stress and bright lights on top of watching the monitors to make sure Jack was still breathing! I don't regret it and am grateful for the tiny videos we do have.

My mom came across a box with some old tapes and a VCR and decided to take a trip down memory lane last week and I am SO GLAD she did! She called me over and I was amazed at all of the footage she had of baby Jack that I forgot even existed! Videos of him just home from the hospital, videos of my late grandma and Jack, and videos of our old house and set-up! They were hard to watch because the look on my face in the very early ones truly shows my state of mind. Complete panic! I remember wanting to be back in the NICU because it was safe and because there was a nurse to do his wires and feeding tube...because their was an entire team of doctors that could come to your side should your baby stop breathing. It did get easier. Day by day, week by week.

So without further intros here are those moments:

We had 6 feet for weeks and weeks. That is all the further I could carry baby Jack! Looking back now it seems surreal -- but we did it!

Bottle feeding:

I will highlight some more in another post -- here is the link to all of our videos!

http://www.youtube.com/user/angigistarr#g/u

Picking up new braces :)

2010-07-13T13:03:00.001-05:00

YAY!

2010-07-13T10:09:00.001-05:00

The lost stroller wasn't lost after all!!!! The box that went missing was just an accessory! NOT the stroller itself!!! The company is going to take a small amount of money off, and process our return today! HUGE relief!! Still filing claim with fedex for lost accessory box!

Video of Tyler Chomping on Some Puffed Rice...

2010-07-13T05:41:00.002-05:00

Tyler has been eating very well these days! He has moved on to 3 jars of stage 2 foods a day and loves almost everything! He likes peas the best!! I tried some puffed rice cereal just to see where he was with his fine motor and he did quite well! His face is priceless...

Blogging Milestone!

2010-07-01T09:22:00.002-05:00

This is post number 700. 700 posts in 7 years....

It's been really neat to look back at how far we've all come!

Our family has grown and we have met some great friends through blogging!

There are things I would have never remembered had it not been for blogging. Every single day of Jack's NICU stay, Ever single day of Morgan's NICU stay...and each day on my journey to bring Tyler home. There are the funny moments, and sad moments...

I started using a program to turn our blog entries into memory books. I have 4 of the 7 years completed so far. I hope one day our kids read these books and have special memories and photos long after this blog is gone!

Just a nifty little tidbit to share this morning!

June 2010 Photos :)

2010-07-01T07:43:00.001-05:00

Our June 2010 Album is up!

JUNE 2010

2010-06-30T12:21:00.002-05:00

I posted this on an ebay message board, but wanted to turn to my blogging friends too! It is a long story for another post, but I ordered a SN Stroller for Jack...it cost a little over $600. It was too large...like adult-sized too large, so I had to return it. I really want to take the time for another post about wheelchair woes...so it is coming! Here is the problem I am having right now...

am hoping someone can offer some advice!

I purchased an item from a great ebay seller. Unfortunately the item was too large and the seller authorized a return of the item.

I packed the 3 boxes in the seller's original packaging and dropped them off at our local FedEx Ground pick up location.

2 of the 3 boxes made it there today. The 3rd, and most expensive box, did not. The tracking information states "shipping info received" so it looks as though it was never scanned at pick up or picked up at all.

I contacted customer service at FedEx and opened a case#
for their package tracing dept. And now, I wait. I informed the seller of the delay as well.

So, my question is, how do I handle this situation? What happens if FedEx cannot locate my package? Am I out the money spent for my item? How much are FedEx Ground packages covered for? I never saw an notion for additional insurance, so I shipped it with whatever, if any coverage they offer.

Thank you in advance!

Catching Up!

2010-06-29T08:12:00.003-05:00

So, I apologize for not keeping everyone up to date! Time goes by so quickly and before I know it it's time for BED! Jack started his Summer School Program this morning, Tyler is napping, and Morgan is happily not having to share toys with anyone at the moment ;) Now I am in between 3 tons of laundry...and sitting for just a moment to have a cup of coffee and catch up with blogging!

Let's go one by one for an update...I'll start with Tyler! He is feeling much better after being so sick from an infection on his arm. The site is healing and he is finished with his antibiotic. We are still watching the site, but it looks so much better than it did last week. He is eating very well, sleeping like a DREAM, and is just the happiest, funniest baby. We are still really low key and haven't been out much at all, or had too many visitors. It's really, truly helped with bonding and attachment. I believe he knows us well now and shows stranger anxiety (but does warm up and flash his gorgeous two-tooth smile). He loves, loves, LOVES Jack and Morgan. His whole face lights up and his little legs and arms and legs go a mile a minute whenever he sees them! He is gaining so much strength too. He can sit unassisted for a few seconds, can pivot and roll, and is trying like crazy to push off with his little feet to scoot on his belly. He started babbling "da, da, da" and has found his little voice. He also started eating stage 1 baby food. We are going slowly due to his tummy sensitivity to certain items! So far he has tried rice cereal, squash, and sweet potatoes. Today peas are on the menu! He is still on Soy formula and is doing really well. We are so happy he's home and love him to pieces!

Hmm, who's next? How about Jack! Jack amazes me each day...his language has exploded and he uses so many new phrases and words each day it's awesome! He has been healthy and seizure free for months...he is growing like a weed too. Who knows how much he weighs these days?! I'd say a safe bet would be 55+ lbs! Back in April and May he saw a bunch of his specialists...which nicely freed up our summer. We are looking at some type of orthopedic surgery within the year. Quite honestly I have put it on the back burner and will worry/obsess over it more after our follow up appointment in September. I will absolutely keep you posted! We've had a HUGE mess with his wraparound services....to say I am displeased is an understatement. Super long story made short...for months I requested (if at all possible) to keep the same TSS this summer. I mean our family has been through the biggest change to date...mommy had to leave for Ethiopia for 10 days...we brought home a new baby, and Jack who has a hard time with change truly needed consistency. His summer school program is at a new building and this fall he will return to school and have a new teacher and a new classroom. This is a lot of change for any kid, but for Jack it's all coming at once and I fear regression with all of the wonderful progress we've made with his therapist over the past two years. So they gave us two new TSS's (one for school, one for home) AND a new BSC. So essentially at a time when our family is stretched as far as it's ever been they take away EVERYONE. I know I don't have to tell some of you how EXHAUSTING it is to work with a new therapist. I mean starting from square one (regardless of how good the therapist is) is just...painful. So we're in the middle of meeting the new team, and they are great, don't get me wrong! But the reasons for switching therapists (TSS hours and availability for the summer) are not jiving with me considering our new TSS is unable to fill all of our hours. I just want to cry. In fact, I have. It's too much. We are a family that puts 110% plus into therapy. So much is at stake...my sanity being one (very important) thing. So, yeah, I'll keep you all posted on that front too! Jack's behavior has been pretty darn good through all of this though. I am very proud of him. He is using strategies he has learned over the past two years. Although, as I mentioned before, we have been very low key for the past month. So he hasn't been faced with a lot of demands or outside stress...so I am curious to see how school goes for him today. I miss him already, and he's only gone for 3 hours!

Morgan! She's just filled with cuteness, curiosity, precociousness, fun, and a VERY strong will! She and I have the most amazing conversations. I wish I could record each and every one. She is growing up right before our eyes. She takes the roll of big sister quite seriously. She had a few weeks of preschool (2 days a week) at DDS (where Jack went). We know the staff and love it there. She is in a class with typical kids and kids with special needs. I told the teacher don't be alarmed if she doesn't notice things like wheelchairs, walkers, or braces...she's so used to Jack that she won't care if a kiddo doesn't walk or talk -- she'll march right up to them and play or compliment the color of their wheelchair! She loves to help mommy and daddy around the house and loves to talk. She talks all the time. She woke up early (6 am) this morning and as I was getting Jack out of the bath tub she said "Hey mom, is it morning yet?" "I love you, you are my BEST friend." and then laid back down. She's so sweet!

I hear Tyler already! I did have to stop typing to switch a load of laundry, change batteries in a toy, and take a phone call! I promise more posts to come!

2010-06-28T10:30:00.000-05:00

I love the site rainbowkids.org -- I wanted to share an article I read just now:

http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=714

Finding Me

I am American

June 01,2010 / Mary Behan

Four Irish-Americans and a Chinese girl walked into a restaurant.

If you are waiting for a punchline, that wasn't a joke: It's just my family whenever we go out to dinner. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Mary and I was adopted from China when I was two and a half.

I've always wondered what people think when my family and I are out together. Do they see what I see: two parents and their three children? Or do they see two Americans, their two sons, and mentally check me off as my older or younger brother's girlfriend? Do they even think about what they see, or am I just obsessing over the minor details?

For a long time, I hoped I was just obsessing, because it was those sorts of questions that made me feel insecure about my place in my family. Those questions made me doubt myself, and, as cliché as it seems, they made me wonder about my identity.

It began with exasperated sarcasm. "Wait, so, are you Japanese or Chinese?"

"Neither," I would say, "I'm Irish." There would be a pause.

And then,"Wait, really?"

My general answer to The Question was, "No, not really," but if I was feeling particularly irritated, I would say, "What, you couldn't tell?"

Eventually the sardonic remark, accompanied by a roll of the eyes and perfected deadpan, became my way of ignoring a question that, for some reason, bothered me.

It bothered me because even though I was a Chinese girl adopted by an Irish-Catholic family, I did not want to be categorized as "Asian" by other people when, for the better part of my life, I did not even categorize myself as Asian. Friends' lighthearted comments about my "Asian-ness" were actually funny, but when someone, in all seriousness, asked me about my nationality, I always felt offended on some level; I did not care what I was, so what gave other people the right to question?

In the summer of 2007, after my freshman year, I traveled to Beijing to study with a Choate Rosemary Hall program. There, while all of my white American friends called me Fu Ping, my Chinese host family insisted on calling me Mary. It was their attempt to make me seem more American despite my obvious Chinese appearance, because having an American in the home was exotic. I had grown up in a Roman-Catholic middle school, where, to my classmates, everything about me screamed Asian!; this was the first time I had ever met anyone who considered me just plain American. It was a strange concept and more than a little odd, but I liked it.

When I came home from China that summer, I experienced another "first" in regards to my race. It was my cousin's wedding, and someone I had never seen before, decided to go down the line of cousins with whom I was sitting and play guess-the-parents. To my cousins, she said,"You're Bridget's, right? You are, too. And you're Susan and Chris's," while my younger brother received a,"You're Tish and Mike's."

She stopped at me. Her blank stare and hesitation lasted only a moment, but it was a moment too long.

"Tish and Mike's," I supplied hastily.

"Oh."

She couldn't tell. But then, I tried to tell myself, why should she be able to? I mean, it's not like I was ever going to hear, "You have your father's eyes," or "You look just like your mother" from anyone. Despite knowing all this intellectually, I still felt hurt, rather than annoyed or uncomfortable. That one incident kept replaying in my mind; I was incapable of just letting it go as I did most other comments about my race.

It made me think. What am I?

I came closer to answering that question the summer after my sophomore year, when I learned through awkward conversation and random speculation that my roommate at the Middlebury Monterey Language Academy was from the same orphanage as I was. Later, when I returned home from camp, my mom and I set out to see if we could find other girls from my orphanage, or maybe even from the foster family that took care of me after my brief stint as a newborn in the orphanage. Our investigation, including the exchange of part-English, part-Chinese, and part-Babelfish Online Translator emails, ended with a trip to China at the beginning of last summer, and a foray into the first two-and-a-half years of my life there. We planned to visit the relatively small city of Fuzhou, in Jiangxi Province.

While there, I found memories of a toddler who chased rabbits, pretended to do schoolwork with her elder siblings and practiced making sad faces. I heard tales of a girl who knew she was leaving and told her daddy she was going to America to make a lot of money to buy him a drink, and stories of a newly adopted child who sat at the hotel door and screamed until she cried herself to sleep.

I came face-to-face with the forgotten. With the physical remnants of my past. I found an old, one story cement house riddled with over-grown weeds and traditional good luck signs pasted on the sides of the door in faded red. I saw a broken crib kept long after its occupant departed for America, and a garden through which a toddler used to traipse under the illusion she was helping to grow things.

And, finally, I met a family so full of love, that even after they endured the pain of watching me leave, they cared for 13 more infants, ending with a girl they found on their doorstep. I met a mother, a father, and two older siblings who despite 14 years and a language barrier still called me their daughter and sister. I met a family that made me feel unbearably guilty: I wanted to be able to tell them I loved them and remembered them, because they so obviously loved and remembered me. I wanted them to be more than strangers to me so badly that I cried when I knew no one was watching.

And yet.

There was something missing. As selfish as it makes me seem, there was a whisper of disappointment that only I was able to sense, a feeling that some integral part of what I was looking for just wasn't there.

When I went to visit my foster family, I was told many things about myself, but I was not told who I was. I realized, after the trip, that I should not have expected to find the answer to my question of self-identity with my foster family. They could not tell me if I was Chinese, or American, or perhaps even half-Chinese and half-Leprechaun; that was something only I could figure out.

But I did not know where to begin.

Strangely enough, the beginning of enlightenment came later in the summer, as the start of school drew close and I finally picked up my copy of "Confucius Lives Next Door."

It was ultimately a conversation with my mother about the summer reading book and the campus speaker Cathy Bao Bean that really settled things for me. The conversation went something like this:

"So, I heard there was a speaker," my mom said casually while I was impatiently trying to hang up the phone on her.

"Yeah," I said unenthusiastically. "Cathy Bao Bean."

"Well, what did she talk about?"

"I don't know. Being Chinese and American?"

"Well, Mary," my mom said in that reproachful tone of hers, "don't you think that's kind of pertinent to you?"

I thought about it. Cathy Bao Bean is Chinese. I'm Chinese. Cathy Bao Bean is an American citizen. So am I. Therefore, two plus two must equal .

"No," I told my mom frankly. "Not really. She's actually Chinese."

What I meant was, Cathy Bao Bean grew up in a Chinese household, and she learned those Confucian values that Reid writes about in "Confucius Lives Next Door."

AHA! my mind all but screamed at me. So this is the answer, it continued.This is who you are.

Perhaps it seems narrow-minded, but I don't identify with the Chinese, socially or culturally. Like many Americans, I don't even fully understand their society or their culture. I just look like them.

So I would like to thank the author of "Confucius Lives Next Door," Cathy Bao Bean, and my mom for guiding me to that elusive identity of mine: I am Mary Katherine Behan, which is about as Irish a name as you can get. I stand at an intimidating height of four-feet-eleven-inches, and, just like the rest of my family, I am American.

Embodied in my idea of being an American is that I have the capacity to be whoever I want to be, regardless of what I look like. The world can assume I speak fluent Chinese, or Japanese, or Korean, or am good at math, simply for the fact that I am of Asian descent. I don't mind anymore, because I know who I am.

Referral Photos :)

2010-06-28T08:12:00.004-05:00

Since I couldn't share them back then, I want to share them now...these are the very first photos we saw of our little man. I stared at his little face wondering so much about him...it was hard to tell his actual size in these pics! He was 8.5 lbs here and 4 months old...

Here he is now, at 16 lbs and 8 months old :)

Fun in the pool!

2010-06-26T14:16:00.001-05:00

Another Trip to the Doctor...

2010-06-18T06:59:00.003-05:00

Even though Tyler's fever was gone we ended up back at the Peds office yesterday! After picking up Morgan from preschool I noticed Tyler's spot on his arm was getting bigger and I could see a yellow liquid under the skin. I called the office and realized they were at lunch. I was going to give it until 1:30 and call again. At 1:29 the phone rang and it was our pediatrician! She was calling to check on Tyler. I told her my concerns about the state of his arm and she said we needed to come in and have it drained and sent for testing. She put me on the phone with scheduling and I said 3:30 would work perfectly for us! I called Jason and explained the situation...he was releived we were going to have it tested. Our main source of anxiety was how I would manage all 3 on my own for the first time at the doctor!

Planning a trip in the car with a busy preschooler, a non-amblitory 55 lb 7 year old, and a teeny baby takes some planning...and guts. I have to take them one at a time...Morgan goes first, and along with that first trip to the car I take my purse, the diaper bag, and Jack's mode of transportation. That day it was the convaid stroller, or as we call it here, the blue stroller. Morgan gets buckled in her carseat in the way back of the minivan. Meanwhile, inside the house, Tyler is in his crib and Jack is obsessively yelling, Ma ma, MA MA, MOMMY, GOOOO to CAR!!! Over and over....so next, I take Jack to the car. It feels like the longest walk ever! He is getting so big and long I have a really, really hard time carrying him down the steps and to the driver's side of the car. He gets buckled in and i head back to the house for Tyler. I make my final trip to the car and buckle him in his seat. Out of breath and sweating already i hop in and we make our way.

We get to the peds office and this time Jack has to come out first because i cant lift him while i am carrying Tyler or get to Morgan's seat. So out comes the stroller, i heave our big guy in and hang the diaper bag on the back of the stroller. Then i climb in to the back of the van and get Morgan. Then we go over to Tylers side and i have Morgan hold the door to the van as I get Tyler into the baby carrier I wear on my chest.

So we made it! I am feeling pretty good...proud of myself for doing it! It takes more maneuvering and strategy to get across the parking lot and in to the office. That door is awkward and HEAVY! I managed with only running over Morgan's foot once and get us signed in. I love the staff at our peds office. They are always so helpful and genuinely love to see the kids!! Jack had to stay in his stroller which can be a tantrum point for him but this time he was calm and listened to me very well. Morgan was such a big girl and also listened very well. It was so helpful that they were both such angels during the visit!

Jack and Morgan sat in the exam room and were making conversation with the nurse (our favorite one!!!) and then the dr. came in. She agreed that it was larger and ready to be lanced. I will spare the details but it sure did drain. She collected a sample and cleaned the wound and gave me instructions to use peroxide, saline wash, antibacterial ointments, gauze and bandages twice a day and to let it breathe overnight while he is sleeping. We will have the preliminary results on Saturday. And we watch it...it seems that some fluid is back this morning and i know that was one of her concerns so I will call if it gets worse.

On a great growing note, Tylernis over 15 lbs now. He came home just shy of 11 lbs. Seriously, this kid is a growing machine!! His growth curve isn't a curve, it's a straight line UP! I will have to post it somehow, it's amazing! On bonding growth news, he is really bonding with us. At the dr. the nurse held him while i washed my hands after the proceedure and he could not keep his eyes off of me. When I turned to take him from her, he stretched his arms out and nearly leaped from her arms into mine!! He snuggled in to my chest, and calmed down. Such a good feeling!

Much better today!

2010-06-16T12:24:00.001-05:00

Tyler's fever is down and he's been awake and happily playing and eating well!! The spot on his arm is exactly the same as it was yesterday, so we are still keeping an eye on it. If it gets worse or puss-filled I will need to take him in to the peds office to have her take a sample.

Lets hope it starts to look better soon!

Jack is napping, which is odd for him! I am soon going to have to wake him up...Morgan is digging in the snack cabinet and Tyler is sitting on my lap trying to help me type :)

Sent from my iPad

The spot...

2010-06-15T17:04:00.001-05:00

Rare calm moments are wonderful!

2010-06-15T17:01:00.001-05:00

Sweet Baby Tyler Update!

2010-06-15T12:48:00.003-05:00

Blood work and an antibiotic! If it gets worse, then she will take a sample from it to send to the lab.

The dr. is stumped because an injection site infection should have happened sooner (more like 2 weeks later, and not 6 weeks later). It's definitely infected! She said he may need IV antibiotics if his white cell count is super high...we should know more at the end of the day when his labs come back!! I hope that is NOT the case!! The hospital is the last place I want to be :(. I will keep you posted!!!! He is feverish and sleeping now, the poor kiddo!!!! My mother is going to get his meeds as soon as they are ready! Yay for grandma!!!!

2010-06-14T19:12:00.001-05:00

EARLIER TODAY
About 10 days ago we noticed a hard small lump on the outside of Tyler's upper arm. I mentioned it to the ped and she said it looked like a lump from a vaccine. Tyler's record from Ethiopia said he had vaccines on May 6th. Well just now, I noticed the poor kid has a fever and that lump is bright red and large! I am waiting on a call back from the peds office...trying not to worry!! I will keep you posted!!!

UPDATE
We have an appointment in the morning! She said if his fever gets worse or won't stay down to take him to the ER. He is doing okay with Tylenol so hopefully we can just wait until morning!

Sent from my iPad

Home two weeks...

2010-06-13T12:47:00.003-05:00

So now that we're home two weeks we are settling in to a routine. Of course now Jack is out of school so that changes things a bit -- but hey what's life at our house without change ;)

Tyler is doing amazingly well. He is adjusting and happy. He has appropriate reactions to things -- cries when hungry or uncomfortable, looks to be held and gets our attention with smiles and coos. He loves Jack and Morgan and is really becoming attached to mommy and daddy too. He loves to play and is practicing blowing raspberries and trying so hard to make consonant sounds! He has certainly found his voice this week!

He is rolling both ways, and loves tummy time. Tummy time is a favorite for the entire family! He gets his head up high and can keep that position for a while before getting tired. He can sit propped with both hands and is gaining a lot of strength in his trunk! When he first came home he was quite floppy and although he had excellent head control, he prefered to rest against us almost always...now he squirms and kicks his legs, and reaches out to us or for toys. He has come a long way already!

He is eating very well and just last night we had a small realization. His BM's were still yucky, his belly still distended, and he was spitting up a lot too. We were waiting on his stool cultures last week and thankfully they came back A-OK! So no bacterial infections, parasites, etc., but then why were his BM's sooo yucky (mucousy, watery, etc.)? I remembered reading a long time ago that Ethiopian (and other African) children tend to be lactose intolerant. Jason made the suggestion that perhaps we try soy formula...so he ran to Wal-Mart and picked up Parents Choice Soy -- and we gave him his first all soy bottle this morning. By the 3rd bottle today his BM's were NORMAL, NO spitting up, and NO huge belly! So, I think we found our culprit! He was not tolerating his formula and tolerates Soy extremely well so far. We may never know if it was a true lactose intolerance or what exactly it was but for now we'll stick to Soy and after his first birthday we'll slowly introduce dairy (yogurt, cheese, etc.) and go from there.

We were looking at pictures from when I first walked through the door with Tyler and realized he looked so scared and confused for the first few days! He would retract his shoulders and scowl quite a bit -- and that has completely disappeared now that he's been with me for 3 weeks and home with the family for 2 weeks. Now Tyler is just so happy and content (even with weeks of tummy issues!!) and he is showing his trust in us and we are falling for him pretty hard too ;)

Sometimes we have parties in the middle of the day...

2010-06-11T17:43:00.000-05:00

Shopping in Addis...

2010-06-11T17:34:00.000-05:00

Sweet Kisses!

2010-06-11T09:02:00.001-05:00

So it's been a little challenging with all 3 kids now that Jack is out
if school! But then there are the SWEETEST moments and my heart melts!

Blog Roll!

2010-06-08T06:17:00.002-05:00

Do you have a blog? I would love to link to it here! Please reply with your blog address!

Last week of first grade!!!

2010-06-07T15:59:00.001-05:00

Shhhh....

2010-06-07T15:16:00.001-05:00

I love sleeping baby pics!!!

Bugs

2010-06-06T09:40:00.001-05:00

Morgan and I have been drawing bugs this morning! Her lady bug is
going down a slide! Weeeeee!!!!

Big Boy!

2010-06-04T12:08:00.004-05:00

Last week -- the day we got home -- I had to take Tyler to the doctor's office because of the diaper situation he had been having in Ethiopia (BMs that were nothing but water). It was determined that some cultures were needed and we were instructed to keep him hydrated and to call if he got worse. He got much better (still not 100% and still waiting on the cultures). A few days in to the week he started taking more and more of his formula...and fast forward to today and he's currently taking 7 bottles that are 7 ounces each. That's 49 ounces of formula in 24 hours!!

He had a well child visit today and we found out he gained ONE POUND in just ONE WEEK! I asked the pediatrician if she felt that was too much formula and she said "No way! He's catching up!!" so that's the final word! He can start solids once a day but she wants him to keep taking as much formula as possible. We are also starting his immunizations over again -- so today he had two injections (one in each leg) and we go back in 6 weeks for another weight check and more immunizations. In 3 months more bloodwork. She also looked at the tiny pimples he has on his face and scalp and wants us to leave them be for now. If they spread or get worse we are to call her.

So that's if for our littlest Wilhelm! I am SO READY for the weekend! We are taking it easy and just going to enjoy being a family of 5 ;) We most likely won't have any visitors -- we're still catching our breath over here!

Have a great weekend!

Tyler and Morgan

2010-06-03T13:55:00.001-05:00

Home from Ethiopia almost 1 week. Cooing and smiling at bug sister Morgan! Also, no idea why it's sort of upside down!

Our Family Photos...Ethiopia Album

2010-06-03T12:47:00.001-05:00

Photo Sharing by MyPhotoAlbum :: Our Family Photos... :Ethiopia Album

Here are all of my photos of Ethiopia! There are some of the orphanage that i cannot post online for privacy reasons but will be happy to show them to you when you visit!

Good Morning!

2010-06-02T06:31:00.000-05:00

We are doing well! Tyler Is eating like a champ, finishing 6 oz in just a few minutes...sleeping well, playing with Jack and Morgan and we look forward to seeing his little personality come through more and more each day!

Sent from my iPad

Morgan's First Day of Preschool

2010-06-01T14:48:00.002-05:00

Introducing...

2010-05-30T14:40:00.001-05:00

Tyler Tamene Wilhelm :)

I am working on uploading pictures to our online photo album! I have
entered my journals on our blog!

www.specialmomma.com

We are doing well -- adjusting and jet lagged but so happy to finally
be home! Jack and Morgan love their baby brother. He is really happy
and smiley around them as well!

We are not having visitors quite yet -- so pictures and emails will
have to do for now!

Thanks for following our journey and for all of your support!

Love,

The Wilhelm Family :)

5/27 day 9 Good Bye Ethiopia!

2010-05-27T13:08:00.001-05:00

5/27 day 9 Good Bye Ethiopia!

Today is our last day in Ethiopia! I cant believe it! I will miss the fantastic people i have met here. I cannot say enough good things about Jemimah and its staff. You know I commented on how much i liked the music in the lobby. I asked Jerusalem (the receptionist) who was singing and she took the tape out and showed me. I told her i was going to look for it when i went out to shop. Later that night she asked me if i was able to find it. I told her no, but it was okay, i would try to find it on the internet when i got home. She smiled and said it will always remind you of Ethiopia (i love the way Ethiopians say Ethiopia -- eetopia almost like utopia,but with an e sound like in eel.). This morning at breakfast we presented our gifts and tips (300 birr each) to Tigist and Asenagu. They have been so helpful by preparing our food, giving us the coffee ceremony and Asenagu always, always dropped anything she was doing to lend a hand, clean our rooms, cook for us, hold a baby or two. Then i wanted to give Jerusalem a purple scarf she had commented on earlier in the week. She thanked me and said she had something for me too! She ran to her desk and got out a CD. It was THE cd i had said i wanted to find. What a wonderful morning of exchanging thank you and small tokens of appreciation!

Sent from my iPad

5/26 Day 8 Farewell

2010-05-26T16:08:00.001-05:00

5/26 Day 8 Farewell

Today we did a lot. We had a wonderful breakfast here at the guest house. We had pancakes, toast, oatmeal, and "juice" - which is more like Tang than real fruit juice which is why we all drink it! I love our meals here!

We then were picked up by Abel and taken to a few small markets to shop. I can't tell you how long, hot, and stressful this trip was! Poor baby Tyler wasn't feeling well and he had another diaper blow out on the bus! up and around his belly and neck all over the bjorn baby carrier....i had hot tears come to my eyes and just thought to myself "you have NO CHOICE, you HAVE to do it." and I did! I truly pray this doesn't happen on the plane. It most likely will, but i hope it is at least contained more than that.

While shopping I purchased 3 textiles, 1 traditional outfit for T, a traditional dress for Morgan, and a wooded Giraffe bowl for Jack. I bought 10 hand made keychains, two pieces of wall art, 10 lbs of hand roasted Ethiopian coffee, and 5 necklaces from Morning Coffee. Poor Abel he really had his work cut out for him bargaining for 7 families at several different stores! I don't think i ever want to shop like that again. It took forever! I think we all started to realize that our time in Ethiopia is almost finished and were afraid we would forget and wanted to try to take a part of it home with us via stuff we bought!

We then had lunch at a really nice restaurant. I ate a rice and vegetable dish. I will say i love Ethiopian food very much! I know we've eaten a lot of american style food as well, but the seasonings and ways are Ethiopian!

I wish all of you could have one day here. One day to see this incredible place. It breaks my heart and awe inspires me all at the same time. It's truly surreal. I so wish Jason could have experienced this too. I know that it was best for him to be at home. I have no idea how i would have coped knowing there is such little communication between here and home. One of us had to be at home!

We then had a farewell party at Mussie Orphanage. It was really , really emotional. The older children came in and sang some happy songs as we all held our babies in our laps. The nannies came and took the babies from us and said they had a surprise for us. when they came back they were dressed in a traditional ethiopian outfit, Tamene looked so handsome! Then they presented us with a gigantic cake and asked that we help our children cut the cake. Very nervously Tamene and I went first. It was so hard to say goodbye to Tyler Tamene's special nanny. She said goodbye to him last, it was very sweet. I am so thankful and grateful to have had this entire adoption experience. It has changed me very much.

Finally we came home and were able to have a great dinner with the Podolskis and the Nesbitts. We reflected on the day and how difficult and emotional it was to be at the orphanage today. Then we got silly and started laughing about how i didn't know how to cut the cake!! It felt good to laugh. Earlier in the week we had another really funny laugh over spaghetti at the embassy. Sometimes laughter is the best medicine! Dear Kari and Jeremy, THANK YOU for everything this week! I will never forget our time in Ethiopia together. Thank you for helping me stay strong when I didn't think i could do it! Also, thanks for the snacks and peanut butter lunches! Ill trade lipton soup for a PB Pita any day! Thanks for bringing my sink laundry inside when it looked like rain, and thanks for sending a picture to Jason for me! Thanks for sharing your darling son Abenet. He is my favorite 8 month old Ethiopian :) thanks for always serving my pizza upside down and for getting my toast from the toaster at breakfast. Thanks for helping me shop and always offering an extra hand. Thanks for opening my after dinner orange soda Mirinda!! I am so grateful to be here with you guys! I will miss you and your darling, darling, Evan!!! Go Bez!!! Mussie handshake from Tamene to Abenet!!

Sent from my iPad

5/25 Day 7 Long day

2010-05-25T21:07:00.001-05:00

5/25 Day 7 Long day

It's funny when I start to say things like "hey, did you do your sink laundry yet?" and a bunch of people say nah, still have to get to that today or yes, did it this morning!

We were picked up by Abel and the big bus this morning and we got to see some of Addis that we had not seen before. This city is one big jumble but it works!! Cars everywhere, road construction, animals, peddlers, beggars, big business, small tin dwellings, it seems to have a pulse though...and only those who live here seem to truly be able to keep with the beat.

The embassy appointment went smoothly. They asked us to swear an oath to tell the truth and ask you a series of questions about the adoption. It's all over in a matter of minutes and you are handed a pile of important papers and told the rest of the documents can be picked up thurs.

Today was an incredibly long and stressful day. I love, love, love Ethiopia but I am worried about T's diarrhea. He was having an excellent day health and spirits wise and then this evening right before dinner a huge diaper blow out that went up to his neck. To. His. Neck. Oh, and of course we lost power as this happens, and we were also called to dinner at this very moment as well! Now he is sleeping and i worry about hydration and his health! I don't feel so alone though once i get to talking to the other families. They mostly all have the same issue. Poor babies! Please let them all be okay and do well on the plane ride home!

I can hardly keep my eyes open. I should sleep while Tyler Tamene does!

Sent from my iPad

5/25 Day 7 Embassy Day!

2010-05-25T07:00:00.003-05:00

5/25 Day 7 Embassy Day!

Today is our interview at the Embassy in Addis Ababa. They say it's sort of a non-event and very much like visiting the DMV or Social Security Office in the states. Oh and that goes for the wait times and lines too! I have a backpack packed with lots of diapers, wipes, clothing, bottles, cereal, tissues (rumor has it there is no TP at the embassy!) and some granola bars and bottled water for me. We were advised to leave our electronics at the guest house or on the bus due to the restrictions at the embassy. I am leaving mine here at the guest house.

I am letting Tyler sleep until the last minute so hopefully he will be a happy baby on the bus ride through town!

Sent from my iPad

5/24 Day 6 My Jason

2010-05-24T23:07:00.001-05:00

5/24 Day 6 My Jason

I was so happy to talk to my jason tonight! He called at 4:30 on the dot! The Podolskis babysat T while i chatted on the phone downstairs. AHHHH I miss home so much! I actually am sad to think of leaving Ethiopia too!! There is so much to take in and I spent the first few days jet lagged and disoriented!

Poor neighbor! they were the ones who just arrived last night...they have no hot water so she is using my shower! I have been taking my showers in the early, early morning like at 5:30 am so that i definitely have hot water. I hope they get it fixed!

Abel said the elections were held with no problems on Sunday. He said they aren't expecting a huge change in the outcome so the announcement of the results tomorrow shouldn't cause any upset.

Tonight's dinner was yummy again! It was left over noodles and cheese as well as breaded, super thin chicken strips. Just something so simple and so good! We always get a chuckle at dinner. Whenever we walk in there are always two glass bottles of soda waiting for each of us. Soda is a treat here for us because mostly we just have access to bottled water, so the first time we saw two sodas we were like "YAY, two sodas!!!" and only the next day did i wonder maybe we were supposed to choose the one we wanted like coke or orange and NOT both?!? But since this happened we always take the extra soda to our rooms. So now the staff probably thinks this is what we do in America! lol

Another interesting tid bit is that English is the language used in Addis Ababa in every day business life. We noticed most of the billboards and signs had the Amharic words and just as big, printed right underneath is English. So its pretty neat to see and i hope i have some good pictures that represent this.

Abel was telling us that Addis is growing and there is a hi demand for housing where in some places right outside of the city cost maybe 300 birr to rent and in Addis the same house or apartment would cost 2500 birr!

There is also a large influx of Chinese workers coming to work in Addis Ababa mostly on telecommunications, electrical, and infrastructure. The city is growing and these things are in high demand.

Also there is such a stark difference between the poor and the wealthy and where they live in Addis Ababa. most large cities usually have sections or parts where more wealthy or more poor people live. In Addis it's very common for these neighborhood lines to not exist! It's the strangest, most unique thing about Addis ,i think!

I still cant believe i am sitting in a guest house, in Ethiopia, on another CONTINENT with our baby boy. I mean, WOW!

Sent from my iPad

5/24 Day 6 Sick boy

2010-05-24T16:07:00.001-05:00

5/24 Day 6 Sick boy

I don't think tyler felt too well today. He was feverish and had some pretty bad stomach cramps and diarrhea. It didn't help that we had to be out most of the day either.

Abel picked us up this morning and we got to meet all of the other Bethany families! What a great group of people. It's so awesome to see so many new families being brought together. We went to meet the Bethany staff and finish our paperwork! It was great getting that I-600 and power of attorney out of my hands! Oh, yeah, and the $400 embassy fee too! Mekkonen and Sisay were really helpful. We got to meet with Sinait, Tamene's social worker and she went over his social and developmental reports. I also asked the nurse about his diarrhea and she said to keep him hydrated with electrolytes and to call the Bethany office if he gets worse. I really don't think he is worse, but i am really looking forward to getting him home. We went to Carnivore Addis for lunch. I ordered the Tibs with Injera but only ate a bite or two. It was delicious but i am so afraid of food poisoning after hearing about another traveling family who dealt with horrible food borne illness resulting in loss of consciousness and seizures! Luckily dinner is at 6 tonight at the guest house and smells amazing already!!

I love our guest house and staff more and more each day. They are truly wonderful hosts and hostesses! I can't wait for more people to see our pictures and videos and hope more families will come stay here at Jemimah (pronounced jeh-MEE-mah).

I will tell you getting here when we did was a life saver. I wouldn't change a thing about how travel was scheduled. We saw a family just arrive last night then in the middle of paperwork they got to pick up their child and then they had to head straight to lunch. I could not imagine! They are staying at our guest house and i hope they can take it easy tonight and relax with their little dear.

I would like to take pictures with the Jemimah staff and baby Tyler and also right down the names and how to spell them! I don't want to forget a thing about this trip!

Tyler had his second bath, a nice lotion rub down, some Tylenol, pedialyte and lots of cuddles. He actually belly laughed for me for the first time today!!!!! After his bath and lotion i couldn't resist that little tummy of his! I blew raspberries and out came this huge gulping laugh! He's napping now and i am relaxing on the bed journaling, and waiting on my 4:30/9:30 call from Jason!

Sent from my iPad

5/23 Day 5 a good night!

2010-05-23T20:07:00.001-05:00

5/23 Day 5 a good night!

We had a great evening here too! We had another fabulous dinner of potatoes, and bits of egg, and a pasta, cheese and onion dish that is baked. There were calls from home from my mom and Jason and the kids. Tyler ate well and is sleeping now. Tomorrow is a big day out. I am a little nervous about Tyler's diaper situation but there is nothing I can do! I do look forward to seeing more of the city and meeting the Bethany staff.

I am half-watching Oprah on the Arabian Satellite TV network. Will. I am is giving away mortgages. Who knew he was such a nice guy!?

Sent from my iPad

5/23 Day 5 Coffee Ceremony

2010-05-23T16:07:00.001-05:00

5/23 Day 5 Coffee Ceremony

We were honored to be invited to share in a traditional Ethiopian Coffee Ceremony this afternoon. Tigist, the head cook and her helper prepared the scene beautifully for us! First they lit the charcoals to roast the coffee beans "buna" and the smell is smoky and fragrant! Next popcorn was offered as a light snack while the beans were roasting. Tigist said the women usually prepare the coffee on Sundays after church and it's a very social event. She joked and said its not for men, it would be too much work for them! When the beans were almost done roasting you could hear them pop and crack open. It was so relaxing and the smell was wonderful. Next, they ground the roasted beans and put a carafe of water on the coals. Then, they added the fresh roasted and ground coffee to the carafe. Tigist asked if we took sugar and we all said yes. We invited them to join in our coffee with us. We thanked them over and over for their hospitality. We told them how special it was for us to have been a part of a coffee ceremony. I think it was the best cup of coffee i have ever had. Both babies were taking in the scene getting a little fussy now and then. There was a gorgeous breeze and really nice Ethiopian music playing in the background. I am so glad I got to experience such a unique Ethiopian ceremony with our son. I keep wishing Jason was here to see everything. I only hope my journals and pictures will help tell the story!

Tyler is napping and I just finished sink laundry. He is doing better with the bottle and i hope by the time we have to get on the plane on Thursday that he will be taking the full thing!

I am loving our guest house. The food is outstanding, the place is so clean and spacious it really feels very much like a home and not a hotel. Today Kari, Jeremy, Evan, Tyler and I had lunch in the common room. The boys had their bottles and played on the floor while we had our Lipton soup from our Nalgene bottles! Even though it was circumstantial I am so glad we were "home bound" for the past two days. I. Think the children AND adults needed it! I think all of us are very much the same easy going type of people. They are very aware of cultural sensitivity and we do our best to mirror those around us. It's been an amazing experience here and i am so glad we chose Jemimah Guest House! (pronounced JEH-mee-mah).

Tomorrow we have some business to take care of at the Bethany office. I think Abel said he'd be here for us around 10:30 am but i will have to check with Kari. I know we will have breakfast at 7:30 so we will have plenty of time to get ready for Abel. I need to remember the money for the embassy fee, the paperwork, and i forget what else! I do have it written down.

I am excited to meet the other families and kids tomorrow too. There is another family coming to the Jemimah House tonight and I so know how they are going to feel!!

I look forward to Jason's call tonight! Also, going to check email in a bit too!

Sent from my iPad

5/23 Day 5 Flirty!

2010-05-23T14:00:00.001-05:00

5/23 Day 5 Flirty!

Okay, we had an excellent night! Tyler slept a lot during the day so i was worried about him sleeping at night. He woke up for a 10 pm feeding which i did a big bowl of cereal mixed with formula. Then, he woke for a 5 am feeding which i started with the bottle of formula only and......drum roll please, HE DRANK 2 OZ!!!! I helped him by squeezing the nipple and he seemed so proud of himself! He was smiling and flirty with me. Very responsive this morning. Oohing and ahhhing and seeking me out. Followed me the entire time i made his bottle. I couldn't be more happy!

I didn't sleep well last night at all. Had a hard time falling and staying asleep. I did nap in the afternoon with Tyler yesterday and may end up doing that again seeing as i really didn't get much sleep.

I watched part of a movie The Upside of Anger. I turned the TV off and all I could hear were dogs barking. A lot of them! I also heard what i think were church services start at like 2 am and its still going at 5:30 am.

Tyler is cooing and smiling as i type this. We are listening to lullabies right now.

Also, i keep noticing things from our early intervention days with Jack. Tyler can bring a toy to midline and switch hands. He is side lying and also noticing his feet. He looks really good. He does have what i call a "defensive stance" where he retracts his shoulders and hands in order to not touch something when he's afraid. All i have been doing is gently guiding him out of the position and sort of hugging him from behind to give him more support physically and emotionally.

Sent from my iPad

Great Day!

2010-05-23T08:46:00.001-05:00

Today was a great day for us! We had another "day in" and spent the
day with the other family and their baby boy Evan. Tyler's little
personality is coming through more and more. He's finishing his
bottles and eating his cereal like a champ!

We participated in a coffee ceremony this afternoon. What an amazing
experience. The staff here is so accommodating and very wonderful to
us. We chatted as Tigi roasted the beans and the smell was amazing!
We gave our heart felt thanks and left with such a wonderful feeling
afterwards.

I am typing more in my offline journal and hope to share it on our
blog when I get home. The Internet and technology here is like going
back in time for us. I am grateful to be able to send these little
updates!

Tomorrow is a busy day for us as we meet the Bethany staff and fill
out paperwork for Tuesday's Embassy appointment.

We are about to have dinner at the guest house. Have a great night everyone!

Ang

Happy Baby

2010-05-22T23:12:00.001-05:00

Hello and good morning! We had a great night last night. Tyler slept
from 10 pm until 5 am which was a nice stretch. He woke up wanting to
eat and I always start with a bottle. Well, guess what he drank more
than half from the bottle! YAY! It was such a moment for us. After
his bottle this morning he is being downright flirty :) Lots of
cooing and babbling and smiling! Right now he's in the bjorn carrier
just happily chattering as I type. It's good to see him happy!

It's about 7:10 am and we're ready for breakfast! I'll be in touch when I can!

Angela

5/22 day 4 Phone Home!

2010-05-22T21:06:00.001-05:00

5/22 day 4 Phone Home!
I admit it now, but i was pretty down this afternoon. tamene had a major, major diaper blowout and threw up a bit and i wasn't feeling the best either. I was doubting dinner because of my stomach and very sad that i hadn't been able to be in contact with home. I knew that no matter what Tyler and I HAD to make it to dinner. It's our social time with Kari, Jeremy and Evan. It also brakes up the day from afternoon, to night time.

The Podolskis came down right as i was finishing up getting us ready for dinner. I expressed my doubts and concern over our kids loose poopies and they said giving a little Tylenol to Evan helped so I gave some to Tamene. I gave him 1 dropper full which is 0.8 ml. He perked up and was quite vocal at dinner. I still wasn't sure about my stomach but i remember reading that you should continue to eat and drink to keep your energy up. The cook made Pizza which was quite delicious! It's spices were Ethiopian and the sauce was awesome!

It is a little awkward having a "staff" at first because guest houses are so much more personal than hotels...so it feels weird requesting things or being served. I think it feels strange too because in all 11 rooms we are only 2 families here right now! I think one more is coming, but thought they'd be here by now. I was feeling better after eating and having two sodas! One coke, and one orange...

I came upstairs to check T's diaper while the Podloskis went to bathe mister Evan. I decided to go to the lobby to check my email. I had a few messages from home and was able to send a longer update tonight. I had another email from Jason that asked if i could call home this weekend to talk to the kids. And it brought tears to my eyes. We have not been out in order to purchase phone cards since the day we picked up our little ones. I felt sooooo disconnected and far away. I began to have tears. Then, a little light bulb went off! I thought perhaps jason could somehow call HERE?!? No, it couldn't work...nothing is ever that easy phone/communication wise here! I gave him the number i saw sitting on the desk, hit send on the email and came upstairs to feed baby Tyler. Just as we were finishing dinner for T, i heard a loud phone ringing downstairs that i hadn't heard before! I immediately ran downstairs and there was a staff member motioning for me to come over. I grabbed the phone and just started sobbing! It was my Jason!!!!!!!!!! He said the number i gave him was a cell phone number (most likely the receptionist) and she was so so helpful instructing him to dial a different number. I got to say hi to Morgan and Jack...and as a bonus, even my mom! It was so good to hear their voices. I truly needed it and i know they did too. If i haven't mentioned, this is so hard...but I wouldn't change a thing. I am taking a lot of pictures and videos and keeping a record of the events of the day.

I heard what sounded like a small parade this evening. I heard some fireworks and chanting it sounded like it was someone rooting for a particular candidate/part In tomorrows election. I know the vote it tomorrow but I remember reading that the results would not be in until June 21st. I want to double check on that.

Sometimes i look around and think i am in Ethiopia! i am in Africa! I have never been this far away from home before. Well, i am going to go rest now that Tyler is sleeping. Good night! I hope!

Ps- edited to add that my stomach Is fine! I plan on taking the cippro as planned and hope that was the only day my stomach goes on the defense!

Sent from my iPad

5/22 sleep

2010-05-22T16:06:00.000-05:00

5/22 sleep

Tamene js sleeping again. I am going to keep him comfortable and in a loose schedule of sleeping when he needs to, and eating every 4 hours. Starting with 2 oz formula mixed with rice cereal. Then the remainder of the two ounces of formula through the oral syringe or bottle. When his stress level is down, i can see his little personality come through. Earlier he napped and ate and we played on the floor very gently. I tried to get him to make eye contact with mr during both feeding and playing. During spoon feeding i prop him up on pillows and I put my face close to his and he looks for the spoon and catches my eyes too. Also he loved playing with my fingers but didn't like to look at me. So I just catch his gaze every so often and am not pushing him. He has made more eye contact and vocalization for me this afternoon.

I hope both of us have an easy night!

Sent from my iPad

5/22 day 4 a day in...

2010-05-22T13:05:00.001-05:00

5/22 day 4 a day in...

We were scheduled to go see Yezelalem Minch today. We woke up and had breakfast. Today it was crepes, toast, mango, oatmeal, and black coffee. Abel came exactly at 8:30 am as he said he would. He apologized and said he had a change in itinerary because not 2, but 3 families arrived today and needed to pick up their children! He apologized and we said absolutely no need! We encouraged him to take care of the other families and we would be totally fine having an "at home" day today! He was so nice and appreciated our understanding. Honestly, i am sad to have missed the lunch program at Yezelalem Minch but baby Tyler Tamene was in desperate need of a nap.

We had an okay first night together. He woke up several times and was not content at all. He did sleep a few hours through and then about 4 am on he was not happy at all. He wasn't screaming or anything, just couldn't get settled. He is having a hard time getting a whole lot through the bottle. I've tried the cup which is a mess, but he gets more. Although he did spit up after the cup so i think sticking to the bottle is best. He has had some pedialyte because of the loose stools. He hasn't had one since about 4 am and its now 11 am so we'll see. One thing he is a champ at eating is rice cereal!!! It really helps fill his tummy and this is how i have been ending his meals. Starting with a bottle, then rice cereal. Or like last night i did pedialyte in his bottle then made his cereal with bottled water. I didn't want to overwhelm his tummy since he was having loose stools and skipped formula at the 4am feeding.

He had his first bath today after his cup feeding! He hated it but was a good sport. He did like the water running over his hands but not his belly! I lathered him in lotion and put a fresh onesie on him and now he is napping.

As he napped I did a load of sink laundry, i am so glad i packed so much clothing for him. He's been with me 24 hours and he went through 4 sleepers, tons of bibs and cloths, several outfits and onesies. I really hope the stuff dries or we are gonna be in trouble! I think our guest house does offer laundry service for a fee so if it comes to it ill look into it.

One thing thats been hard is the lack of ways to communicate with home. It feels like we are on the other side of the world. And, yes, i know we are but without communication its hard, hard, hard. I am keeping it together today but since tomorrow is another "at home" day i can feel it welling.

We did hear a man with a bull horn outside this morning and we wondered if it was related to the elections? I am glad to be inside and only going out for our trip to the Bethany office on Monday to do the i600 paperwork and to pay our embassy fee. Then Tuesday we have our embassy appointment at 2pm. Wed there is a farewell at Mussie Orphanage. The election crowds can get large and thats the only concern is when there's passion on two sides as well as large crowds it can be a recipe for rioting or violence. I am not afraid for my safety as i know we will not be anywhere near the election or crowds.

I am maintaining and thats good, i am not pushing myself and have been able to rest pretty much. I am still in a fog, most likely jet lag or the altitude and emotionally i know how big it all is but i am really trying to keep in the moment which has worked best so far. I am practicing bonding and eye contact with Tyler Tamene. We both look forward to mealtime!

Kari, Jeremy and Evan are doing well. Even though we don't spend every moment with them eating together and sorting out the details of travel, airports, etc. With them has been an amazing help. I am so grateful to have another adoptive family to be here with. I cant express how important it is to share this with someone. I urge all of my other traveling solo Ethiopia mommies to connect and be sure to stay where the other families are staying!!

This is one of the hardest things, if not the hardest thing i have ever done.

Sent from my iPad

Quick Hello!

2010-05-22T11:14:00.002-05:00

We are adjusting (Tyler and I) and had a pretty good day today. He's
still dealing with tummy upset which has me on double diaper duty as
well as "sink laundry" almost constantly! I can't wait until I get to
a wifi spot on the way home...I'll send my journal entries from my
iPad!

This is one of the most rewarding and one of the hardest things I have
ever done. I miss my family like crazy and can't wait until we are
all finally together! I keep taking it day by day.

For those waiting to travel -- be sure to bring back up
bottle/cup/syringe for your little one if they were exclusively cup
fed as babies. Tyler is not liking his bottle and eats almost all of
his formula thickened with rice cereal from a spoon! I have been
giving him pedialyte as well due to his loose diapers. He's sleeping
a lot, but doing very well considering the major life changes he's
going through.

He and I are learning each other. Today we spent a lot of time
practicing eye contact -- I would hold his spoon really close to my
nose and he'd glance at my eyes for a moment and then launch for the
spoon! He is greiving -- I didnt think I would know it if i saw it,
but I can tell. His most favorite time of day is tummy time with his
little buddy Evan (the other families baby). They have this secret
head nod they do to each other it's so cute. They both light up when
we put them face to face. I really can't wait to show everyone
pictures!

Well, I must run now -- I don't want to lose the internet before I hit
send! Take care!

Ang and Baby Tyler Tamene :)

5/21 Day 3 night night baby Tamene!

2010-05-21T21:05:00.001-05:00

5/21 Day 3 night night baby Tamene!

Our little man is in bed. He had another loose poopy although it was not as yucky as the first two. He could hardly keep his eyes open! I really wanted to give him a bath tonight but just settled for a wipe down and clean footed pajamas. He drank a few sips from his bottle and i could tell he just wanted to go to sleep so i kissed him goodnight and put him in his crib.

Dinner was excellent. It was potatoes and green beans, i think in Berbere sauce, and the other dish was white rice, ground beef, onions and carrots. It remind me of something we would make!

Right now i am watching Friends on NBC satellite with Arabic subtitles. It is so good to hear something familiar.

Ooh, baby Tamene just sneezed in his sleep!

Sent from my iPad

5/21 Day 3 Finally in my arms.

2010-05-21T19:05:00.002-05:00

5/21 Day 3 Finally in my arms. It was exactly like I imagined, and nothing like I imagined. I was brought to the orphanage by Binyam our driver and Abel our guide. Kari and Jeremy waited as Abel said "Tamene's family" and I jumped up! I was taken to the babies room and not given much direction. I looked around and the camera man ticked his tongue and pointed to baby Tamene. I bent down and smiled at him. He didn't seem alarmed but i also went very slowly. I showed him a toy i brought for him and he took it right away. I picked him up and just couldn't believe how teeny tiny he was. He had "big eyes" like Morgan would say, and was stunned but didn't cry.

We decided to come straight back to the guest house and i am glad. We stopped for phone cards, dear Abel got out of the van and purchased them for us. And finally i got to call Jason. Poor jason, it was 3 am and he sounded so sleepy and I could tell he was groggy! I got to tell him that i have the baby and he's fine, and i am safe.

Our guest house is lovely. I truly like it here a lot. It's comfortable, my room is huge! Its very, very clean and well kept. The staff is great and never over bearing but always there whenever we need them. While we were out picking up the babies, the staff tidied up and gave us fresh towels.

There was already bottled water waiting for me in the room. There is a mini fridge, a flat screen tv with satellite programming, a giant spa sized tub with a shower spray. It's locked and secure, in a gated compound. Looking straight out my window i can see some of the city dwellings with the tin roofs.

Ethiopians are truly wonderful people. I feel very well taken care of. Baby Tyler tamene is sleeping soundly in his crib (also supplied by the guest house) and everything feels pretty good now. I can't believe how much it hit me yesterday. I was a great big wreck!!!!! Now, i cant wait to Bond with Tamene and have dinner with Kari and Jeremy and baby Evan!

Sent from my iPad

5/21 Day 3 good morning!

2010-05-21T19:05:00.000-05:00

5/21 Day 3 good morning!

Something about waking up really helped reset my mindset this morning.

I took a nice, hot, rinse in the tub and feel worlds better after washing all the airplane stink off! I am wearing a flowy purple skirt and cotton shirt.

I ate breakfast with Kari and Jeremy and we were even able to get online on the computer in the lobby. Dear Jason, i hope you got my email!!! It is soon time for us to meet our children. Baby Tyler Tamene here i come sweet heart!

Dear jack and morgan, mommy misses you so much. I hope you are having a good sleep right now and that you have a good day today.

I had toast, black coffee, one fried egg, bottled water, and oatmeal. It was a rally good breakfast. I think we will be fine here as far as food goes. I truly amm more worried about eating from restaurants and if i can will avoid it altogether!

If i do end up sending these notes or posting them online, please forgive typos or sentence structure. I am still really foggy headed.

Its almost time, so, i will go now.

Sent from my iPad

5/21 Day 3 adjusting...

2010-05-21T13:05:00.001-05:00

5/21 Day 3 adjusting...

Baby t and i are resting and cuddling a lot. He seems distant right now and i know his belly is upset because he vomited a little while ago and had a very loose poopy too. You just never know. It could be parasitic or viral. It could be the new formula and rice cereal.

He definitely knows how to roll from his back to his belly and probably the other way around too! He hesitates but does grab toys. He was happier this afternoon but seems tired and sad now. So it is hard to know if he doesn't feel well or if hr is scared and missing his nanny and home.

He is definitely grieving. I didn't
I know how i would know it if i saw it but i do. You can tell he thinks i am strange and everything he ever knew was just taken from him!

I am getting ready for dinner and wondering if there will be staff arguing over who gets to hold baby T!!

Sent from my iPad

We made it!

2010-05-21T08:58:00.002-05:00

I am here and finally this morning i got to meet our son Tyler Tamene
Wilhelm!! He is so, so cute and very tiny. Fits right in to 0-3
month clothing! He's sleeping and eating okay -- has had some really
runny diapers so keeping an eye on that.

It's amazing here! I am keeping a daily journal that I will share
when I get home. Internet is sketchy and right now the receptionist
at the guest house is letting us use her computer.

We love our guest house and Abel, our guide. The other family I am
with have been a tremendous help! They are really great people and I
am glad to be with them.

I must run! Hope to email again soon!

Give my love to Jack and Morgan and Jason -- I miss them more than you
could ever imagine!

5/20 Day 2 we have arrived!

2010-05-20T16:05:00.002-05:00

5/20 Day 2 we have arrived!

What a day. I cant believe I am here. It is a shock to the system! I don't even know where to start.

The flight was long and crowded but even so it wasn't horrible! The last 2 hours were pretty long! When we got to the airport in addis, we stood in line for our visas. While Kari waited in the visa line i went over to the money exchange line...it's surreal and like nothing else i have ever experienced. After the visas and money we went through customs, then on to baggage claim. It all went really, really smoothly! Our last stop was to find Abel our guide. We went out in to a sea of people in the arrivals/pick up area...and there he was, right in front with a sign that says Bethany!

Abel said our first stop in the morning is going to be Mussie Orphanage to meet our children!!!!!!! We have breakfast at 7:30 am, Abel said to be ready around 8:30 am and we'd most likely meet our kids at 9:30 am. He was very friendly and made us feel at ease.

We checked in to the guest house and it is really beautiful and literally 5 minutes from the airport. I think we are the only families here tonight! More will arrive tomorrow.

I knew I would have to be prepared emotionally for what this would be like. And, well, i was still overwhelmed! I had been able to send Jason a text message from the addis airport and was so happy that he knew i arrived safely. Then when we got to the guest house my phone says no service. It was enough to bring tears to my eyes. And here they come again!

I miss my family....wow, does it hurt! I feel sad, scared, overwhelmed and at the same time, amazed that I will be meeting our son tomorrow. I keep welling up with tears. Everything is so different here. I knew it would be!

I must try to get some sleep it's midnight here but only feels like the afternoon to me! Argh! Going to try to sleep Now!

Sent from my iPad

5/19 Day 1 Take off!

2010-05-19T16:04:00.000-05:00

5/19 Day 1 Take off!

It's 10:12 pm... It's been about 1 hour in the air so far. Only 14 more to go.

I am tired but waiting for a drink of water before i try to sleep. There are many kids on this flight...a lot of yelling babies! I keep thinking thats going to be me in a few days!

Ethiopian Airlines is nice. Although not quite as modern as I am used to. Already i've noticed how nice and polite Ethiopians are. Truly, and i barely left the country!

I met up with Kari and Jeremy at the airport. We were able to start talking like we were old friends!

I am really sleepy. Hope to sleep for a few hours!

Sent from my iPad

Leaving Tomorrow Morning!

2010-05-18T13:10:00.000-05:00

I can hardly believe tomorrow is the day! I am ready! After 6 stress filled days of making flight plans, guest house arrangements, packing, shopping, setting up baby gear, lining up baby sitters, making tons of notes for Jason, copying important adoption documents, I am finally ready!

I admit, I am nervous. Mainly about flying! Its been about 8 years since i have flown and that was before kids! I am sad to leave my family and get teary eyed when I think of it too much! I am so ready to meet our son! I can't believe I'll be holding him in my arms in just a few days!

I am going to go through my check list one more time! Okay, probably not just one more time...

Sent from my iPad

Testing group email!

2010-05-16T07:57:00.001-05:00

Testing group email!

As most of you know by now, I am about to make a trip of a lifetime to bring home our son from Ethiopia!

I depart from Dulles International airport on Wed., May 19th and arrive in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia on Thursday. It is a direct flight with a refueling stop in Rome. We do not get off of the plane in Italy.

I will depart Ethiopia on Thursday, May 27th and arrive back at Dulles on Friday!

I will try to update as often as I can. Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers!

Also, to my other Ethiopia moms, please feel free to post my updates on the message board!

Thanks!!

Ang

PS - I am using our new iPad on the trip. Typing is a little slower for me on this so please excuse any typos I may miss!! ;)

Sent from my iPad

Jack's bike!

2010-05-05T17:56:00.001-05:00

He gets to ride a way cool amtryke at school! He can get a few pedal
rotations in on just the second time riding! I would love to have a
bike for him at home!! He absolutely loves it! It's an awesome PT
workout for him!

Happy 3rd Birthday Morgan Leigh!!!!!

2010-04-28T08:28:00.002-05:00

WE PASSED COURT!!!

2010-04-27T15:41:00.000-05:00

Little Baby T is officially a Wilhelm!!

Baby Stuff!!!

2010-04-21T12:56:00.001-05:00

A Different Perspective

2010-04-20T13:04:00.000-05:00

A Different Perspective

Immense Loss; Walk a Mile in Baby’s Booties

Imagine for a moment…

You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by "soul mate," for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow.

The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world…the person who will be with you for the rest of your life.

The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face.

But IT'S NOT HIM! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved?

You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back,...even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay.

But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him?

Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone.

You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact.

Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it.

More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you?

You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried.

The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you.

You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy.

The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to "get along." You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation.

Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair.

Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you've never heard before.

He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black.

You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to asleep.

People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness.

Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along.

Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait.

--Written by Cynthia Hockman-Chupp, analogy courtesy of Dr. Kali Miller

Look, I drew Daddy!

2010-04-20T10:41:00.001-05:00

Oh Morgan! I don't know whether to laugh or be frightened!